in love with life

in love with life
Originally uploaded by hedgenettle

i didn't notice how depressed i was until rodney left. he was so shitty and so angry all the time, i felt completely sad and tired...not even sad...apathetic, which i think is worse. and anytime i did feel excited about something and try to share it with him, he didn't care, wasn't interested, wasn't supportive...i felt so worthless because he never enjoyed me (which i really don't understand! i rock ass!) and never wanted to do what i wanted to do (which would've been pretty much anything if we could do it together and have fun, without him being angry or shitty). i wanted to end the relationship so many times, but clung to the hope that he would get better, it would get better...and of course, was scared to be alone (come to find out, it's pretty awesome)...it's nice to have myself back, to feel confident and fun, to feel completely worthy of whatever i want in my life.

i'm grateful for:
1) myself
2) my house
3) my garden
4) loki!!!
5) my life