twitch, tremor, and roll

before i start i have to say this: please read bill bryson's book the thunderbolt kid (now that i type that i'm not positive that's the right name, but i'll double check later). it is ACTUALLY laugh out loud funny. if i had liquid in my mouth when i read some parts of this book, i would spit it everywhere and that would just add to the totally delicious belly ache. it is so damn funny, i mean it. it's about bill growing up in the fifties and it is just so great and nostalgic and totally hilarious. so go read it.

now on to the fun stuff. i have developed a twitch/tremor/spasm thing. it does NOT appear to be related to the previously mentioned neck pain, which went away swiftly, as random slept-wrong pains do. i have seen two doctors about it and done labs, but so far have no diagnosis. i will be seeing a neurologist soon. it does NOT appear to be benign essential tremors, as mine acts up mainly at rest, rather than when i am active. this is unfortunate because the less benign stuff follows this "at rest" tremor pattern. yay. also, it does NOT appear to be related to my thyroid condition or meds, though we are holding off messing with upping the dose (dammit!) until this is thoroughly confirmed.

the twitches basically consume me at times--involving my hands, arms, shoulders, and neck (and by extension my head). they become worse when i am stressed out, when there is a lot of noise or activity around me, and when i am tired (you may have noticed i am always! tired)...it's mainly my shoulders leading the pack--sometimes twitching up and down rather innocuously (relatively speaking, of course)...other times there are these unstoppable rolls that happen with my shoulders four or five times very rapidly. sometimes they cause my arms to flail out rather violently, occasionally beating against my own leg. my upper body is intensely sore and weary from all this movement and activity, which makes for a challenge. imagine an upper-body seizure, but with complete cogency and awareness. when it's not intense it is still frequent "small" shakes. as i said, they are reduced by activity, especially walking. i have not dared to try knitting or sewing yet, as i cannot bear it if these activities will be interfered with.

one good side effect is that my attitude has vastly improved. when every negative feeling, bout of anger, fit of annoyance, etc etc will cause you to flail your arms and roll your shoulders and generally look and feel totally ridiculous...well, it's easier to not sweat the small stuff and even to table the big stuff. it makes not taking anything personally MUCH, MUCH easier. and if i do give into those feelings, the general silliness of LITERALLY not being able to control myself makes a good impression on how silly (and really damaging) it is to take all that *stuff* personally and to be angry or feel negative. it's not worth it and it clearly and obviously is not good for you.

so i will update you on all the latest twitch news as i have it and in the mean time: appreciate your body!

i'm grateful for:
1) my sense of humor
2)jubal's wonderful disposition
3)that nothing about me embarrasses my kids, even if i twitch and flail in public
4)passion--mine and others'
5)life. don't waste it!

up crick creek

this morning as i was laying (lying?) in bed having some kooky dream about my thyroid pills (it was super-realistic and had the feel and texture of swallowing them just right)...i was in and out of awakeness...wondering what time it was and if i should be getting up yet, thinking about having my tea before jubal woke up...i could feel this niggle in my neck. this awareness of not-rightness. a slight pain, even. i could tell that when i actually peeled myself out of bed, my neck and shoulders would be messed up. but i was also still dreamingish, so i hoped it wasn't REALLY real. you know. like the perfect feeling of swallowing the pills. i waited a while to improve my chances of it being dream pain, but the tea kept calling me, so i finally got up. it was real. i had my pill and my tea and waited a half an hour to take an ibuprofen (i'm not supposed to ingest anything immediately before or after the pig pill, except for my tea)...it felt like my body was actually a hanger. the wooden kind for suits. a nice slope to it to match my shoulders, but, you know, still wooden. hard. stiff. and the part that would normally be made of metal and form a hook to hang in your closet, that part was just straight, and went like a rod of pain up my neck. we took the girls to school (hazel made a motion at the school meeting to bring her rabbit to school today, so they needed a ride), and when we got home i promptly took two more ibuprofen. they did nothing. i filled the hot water bottle with a blend of boiling-hot and tap-hot water and parked myself on the couch to watch the today show and the view and the price is right (i'm a during-commercial-switcher). i spent the majority of my day on the couch watching crap t.v. the pain is nauseating and intense. at one point rodney asked me if i wanted to go to the doctor, but of course i stupidly said no. i've never gone to the doctor for a slept-wrong-crick-in-the-neck before! do people actually do that?! god, i wish i had. i would swill pain killers like water right now. i can remember the feeling of no-pain and mental stupor that i had after i took vicodin for a pulled wisdom tooth a few years ago. that feeling would be so perfect right now (and would really improve crap t.v.) that time, i dropped the kids off with lorin, rented like five movies, took my vicodins on time, and watched the movies, then took the next scheduled vicodins, and so on. i want that so bad right now. we're supposed to go to the eugene celebration tomorrow to get our caramel apples and there is a local film fest all weekend here in cottage grove. it's NOT A GOOD TIME FOR THIS!!! but it never is. so i'm chillin' and painin' up crick creek.

diy and garden time

in the immortal words of david brent (the boss on the original The Office) "(i'm feeding the starving africans)...DO IT YOURSELF!" (in a british accent and all)...i've been DIYing it lately and enjoying that. i've found the internet to be a grand library of various tutorials and recipes for pretty much anything you might want to learn to do or make and my latest projects have been inserting zippers (can you believe it's actually EASY?!) and making laundry soap--this one in particular brings me much joy as laundry detergent is so freaking expensive and i have three kids, one in diapers--i do A LOT of laundry...as in, whatever else i'm doing at any given moment, i'm also doing laundry. plus, it's detergent--a petro-chemical based, harsh, not environmentally friendly consumable good that i go through a ton of. there are "green" laundry soaps out there, but they are super high cost for super low volume and i haven't been able to afford them for years now. i made this laundry soap with a tiny bit of plain glycerin soap (which i had on hand because, you know, i make soap), some baking soda, and water. and yes, it works! i tested it first-thing on diapers--no residue, clean looking and smelling, and fresh! yippee! it cost me probably 6 cents a load, if that. i found the recipes on tipnut.com, which is a place i stumbled on that is very midwestern-frugal feeling, not a flashy, sassy, trendy-looking place, but chock-full of good info nonetheless. most of the recipes call for something called washing soda, which is different than balking soda, but i couldn't find it anywhere in cottage grove, so i settled for the baking soda recipe. i'm gonna try a different recipe next time, for kicks. if i can find washing soda in eugene.

the zipper inserting tutorial i found on uhandbag.com, which is the perfect website for me because it is crammed with tutorials on making all kinds of bags/totes/pouches...i don't get much time to go online, but i love going there when i can to ogle all the bag-related stuff. i needed a new pouch, as the one i had was falling apart...dad gave it to me many years ago from one of his trips to mexico and i keep it in my purse, stowing my wallet and keys and random cards and pens and things in...but i hadn't made myself a new one cuz i didn't know how to do zippers. i thought i could probably wing it, but i checked for a tutorial and voila! i now know how to use the zipper foot on my sewing machine and the pouch i made turned out just grand. i cannot wait to buy more zippers and make about a million more pouches--fun and quick! and, by the way, the zipper i used was in a box of sewing ephemera that gramma judy sent over with kimmy and gregg, so thanks gramma judy, i used the zipper! (there is a LOT of cool stuff in that box, including some stuff you use to make your own lampshade, which i am so going to use to make a shade for my viking warrior lamp named draco). pouches are fun and zippers rock!

i spent a good three hours in the front garden today, pulling out the old brassicas and peas, tidying up the beds, preparing to plant garlic, and planting a few end of summer things that hopefully will produce a little bit (lettuce and etc. salad greens) and get strong enough to weather the winter (leeks). last week i planted some mums and a hibiscus in the front flower bed, they look awesome--much nicer than the overgrown, seed-riddled calendulas that were there...plus there are lots of calendula babies coming up, which tend to over-winter and provide a nice spot of color. i also planted some poppy seeds, which hopefully will come up next spring...i planted them on the street side of the farthest-from-the-house raised bed box to pretty it up a bit--towards august the whole garden tends to get all dead and lumpy looking (except the tomatoes, of course--which we are eating plenty of).

tomorrow is the first day of school and the girls are STOKED! we don't know how long it'll last or what's going to happen, but we're gonna suck the marrow out of it and enjoy every bit. the girls were both asked to be on the welcoming committee--ushering around the new students, showing them the ropes and explaining how things work, like JC and how to get certified for stuff. it's going to be a great year!

i'm grateful for:
the library (what a GOOD idea!)...of late i've read: tigerheart, all the way home, a wolf at the table, and currently how far is the ocean? --all checked out from the library
antibiotics (r. has a vasectomy-related infection at the moment. it sucks)
dirt and compost and duff and all things earth-related
online tutorials (they rock!)
my home