twitch, tremor, and roll

before i start i have to say this: please read bill bryson's book the thunderbolt kid (now that i type that i'm not positive that's the right name, but i'll double check later). it is ACTUALLY laugh out loud funny. if i had liquid in my mouth when i read some parts of this book, i would spit it everywhere and that would just add to the totally delicious belly ache. it is so damn funny, i mean it. it's about bill growing up in the fifties and it is just so great and nostalgic and totally hilarious. so go read it.

now on to the fun stuff. i have developed a twitch/tremor/spasm thing. it does NOT appear to be related to the previously mentioned neck pain, which went away swiftly, as random slept-wrong pains do. i have seen two doctors about it and done labs, but so far have no diagnosis. i will be seeing a neurologist soon. it does NOT appear to be benign essential tremors, as mine acts up mainly at rest, rather than when i am active. this is unfortunate because the less benign stuff follows this "at rest" tremor pattern. yay. also, it does NOT appear to be related to my thyroid condition or meds, though we are holding off messing with upping the dose (dammit!) until this is thoroughly confirmed.

the twitches basically consume me at times--involving my hands, arms, shoulders, and neck (and by extension my head). they become worse when i am stressed out, when there is a lot of noise or activity around me, and when i am tired (you may have noticed i am always! tired)...it's mainly my shoulders leading the pack--sometimes twitching up and down rather innocuously (relatively speaking, of course)...other times there are these unstoppable rolls that happen with my shoulders four or five times very rapidly. sometimes they cause my arms to flail out rather violently, occasionally beating against my own leg. my upper body is intensely sore and weary from all this movement and activity, which makes for a challenge. imagine an upper-body seizure, but with complete cogency and awareness. when it's not intense it is still frequent "small" shakes. as i said, they are reduced by activity, especially walking. i have not dared to try knitting or sewing yet, as i cannot bear it if these activities will be interfered with.

one good side effect is that my attitude has vastly improved. when every negative feeling, bout of anger, fit of annoyance, etc etc will cause you to flail your arms and roll your shoulders and generally look and feel totally ridiculous...well, it's easier to not sweat the small stuff and even to table the big stuff. it makes not taking anything personally MUCH, MUCH easier. and if i do give into those feelings, the general silliness of LITERALLY not being able to control myself makes a good impression on how silly (and really damaging) it is to take all that *stuff* personally and to be angry or feel negative. it's not worth it and it clearly and obviously is not good for you.

so i will update you on all the latest twitch news as i have it and in the mean time: appreciate your body!

i'm grateful for:
1) my sense of humor
2)jubal's wonderful disposition
3)that nothing about me embarrasses my kids, even if i twitch and flail in public
4)passion--mine and others'
5)life. don't waste it!