no news is....frustrating!

i haven't had the mental momentum to write on here lately. whatever is going on with my body is wearing me out physically and mentally.

i've been to my naturopath and to the neurologist, but so far have no definitive diagnosis. the neurologist did have a couple of options to explore though--one is ruling out this rare disease called wilson's disease, that is a genetic defect that causes your body not to properly metabolize and flush out copper, so it just builds up in your system until it ruins your liver and kills you (if you don't know about it--if you do, it's manageable). he ordered some labs to rule that out and i should have the results next week. the other option is called POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome--or something like that), it has to do with your body not correctly regulating your blood pressure when you change positions (in very layman's terms) causing you to pass out or to tremor or to generally feel like crap. wiki POTS and get depressed. i'm starting to feel like that's probably it, but we shall see. my next appointment with the neurologist is on the 29th.

it's depressing. i feel like crap and mostly just want to lay around and not do anything. so when i do stuff--you have to do stuff! like cook dinner and do laundry and clean up the floor and pay attention to the children...when i do mundane stuff about the house i resent it (not the kid-time, the other stuff), as it uses up all the energy i've got, leaving none to the fun stuff like sewing and knitting and just feeling good BEING.

i've also started to volunteer at the school on mondays for most of the day, and on wednesdays for cleaning. i am enjoying it, for the most part. i do whatever demian and joel need done, if anything, then i wander around being available to help kids do whatever they need doing, cleaning up little messes, and orienting myself with the opal program on the computer...then after lunch i help clean up the kitchen. i still have no idea what i'm doing in the kitchen, so i try to help in such a way that i can't screw anything up--wiping down tables and counters and the salad bar, sweeping, clearing dishes, etc. it feels good to be helping and i like being there, seeing the school in action. i want so badly for the school to spring back from this rough spot with the board. i want it to thrive again, attract more students, feel stable for everyone involved so that it can shine and prosper. i wish we could be a private school! whatever happened to that voucher idea, anyways? i wish the school board could see what i see...i love watching these rough-sounding teenage boys spy a smaller kid having difficulty with something and stop, get to their level, and offer help. i LOVE it! i love how everyone is equal and everyone is always teaching something to someone else. i love that everyone has the freedom to figure out what they want to do and how to do it. i love that everyone has a chance to learn everything...five year olds on computers and pottery wheels, teenagers playing dress-up with the littler kids. it's SO COOL!

i'll update the health info when i have any...in the meantime...enjoy your life, help someone, and eat something delicious.