i am adoring having a creative outlet lately--with the sewing machine and various other projects-in-progress. i love the way creative energy snowballs--getting huger and wilder the more you use it. it feeds itself and it feeds me--i just need time. the other night i was laying in bed thinking about being a teenager with all that TIME! on my hands. amazing. i would sit at the computer and write for hours upon hours, and i loved it all. that's a funny thing about me, i really love everything i create, without bias--with the exception of cooking, which any man i've been with knows i critique waaaaay too much--i mean, i LOVE it. that doesn't mean it doesn't need editing, but in my heart, it's a perfect little baby--like jubal and the girls.
so. gratitude for art, for process, for love, for eggs, and for vesta--she takes care of jubal in small bits so i can get stuff done.

busybusybusy

the new sewing machine arrived a few days ago, she still needs to be named. i want something that blends the modern with the old fashioned and haven't come up with the right thing yet. i've been spending all spare moments playing with it and sewing all of our old t shirts into shopping bags for practice. and a few other secret, holiday-related things....mum's the word. so i'm busy and don't get to write on my sweet cheeky monkey as much, or in the way, as i want to right now, but i imagine that will change post-holidays. for now, another five:
1. grateful for my sewing machine
2. grateful for the faith in me that is behind the gift of the sewing machine
3. grateful that this woman i know, sue, stopped in her car the other day when she saw jubal and i walking down the street, just to connect with me. we hugged two times and had a nice talk AND she had some good ideas for figuring out how to market the cards. i really like sue and shall have to get together with her again soon.
4. grateful for inspiration of all sorts, directed in various ways (for card ideas, for catchy phrases for bags and t shirts...but also for gift ideas for someone hard to figure out and etc.)
5. grateful for the organ that is my heart and it's constancy. thank you for pumping and resting and pumping without cease. i love you.

thank you note

i don't feel well. i feel as if my head has been stuffed with the cotton from a freshly opened pill bottle. even so, i am grateful for my life and here are today's five things:
1. that jubal is so extremely healthy
2. that rodney is getting some side work
3. that my family is willing to put up with me and my insufficiencies
4. that i have a washing machine
5. my friend loki, who i so relate to and who is very thoughtful

vesta's christmas gift

vesta wants to sew and fill stockings to give to kids in need (she actually asked me if there is an orphanage near by!) she's such a thoughtful girl, she wants everyone to have something special. she's orchestrated a plan to make them year-round for next christmas. if she's serious about it i'll have to help her set up an account for it at the bank so she can get things online with a debit card. anyways--it makes my heart swell to see her excitement and pleasure at the thought of helping other kids.
so of course, on her behalf i am requesting donations for stocking stuffers and material...make checks payable to vesta and write stocking stuffers on the memo line. thanks! and happy holidays.

winter gardening

i spent some time in the gardens yesterday pulling up the plants that finally froze--goodbye tomatoes! goodbye peppers! it felt so good to be around the dirt again. today is for raking up the fallen oak leaves out back and mulching everything. i am so enthusiastic for next year's gardens. i'm going to be systematic-ish this time round--spend this winter studying and planning so that i can have an efficient, beautiful, abundantly productive garden. digging and planting and weeding is so therapeutic, i feel five hundred times better when i garden all the time.

in the new year i am focusing my energies in these places: family, business, gardens, healthy body and gratitude. it feels so good.

when the crappy business with L. happened it threw my life off kilter in every way. i'm ready to fully reclaim it, i refuse him the tiniest measure of influence or control. welcome to the compost heap, L. may you rot and be reborn as a volunteer squash.

christmas bonus!

on a whim i sent my dad a link to a veeeery nice sewing machine i dream of for my bag embellishing and other projects and he ordered it for me!!! i'm so excited i'm practically having a milk let-down (such an ironic phrase). whatever extra money falls into my lap this month is going toward blank bag purchasing and screen-printing ink and supplies. i honestly cannot express the level of excitement i am feeling that the start of my business looms so close. it's this reverberating phrase/feeling "i'm gonna do it! i'm gonna do it! i can actually DO IT!!!"

jubal is crawling around the office with a yellow marker clutched in his hand, talking and squealing. i feel like crying for joy at the thought of being here for him for his fragile and fleeting youth. when i was pregnant rodney asked how long i would want to stay home and i said at least two years, but i really want to be here until he is ready to start at blue mountain. if i have to go back to work before then it would be a major compromise, one that i will do anything i can to avoid.

i've had ideas and projects in the past that didn't work out, either circumstances just didn't line up like they needed to or i didn't stick with them long enough and work hard enough (both). this feels totally different. i feel so honored and grateful to have this opportunity that i have created for myself and that others have supported me in. i feel excited at the thought of working hard, carving out time, failing and learning from it. i can SEE it. i can see cubby holes filled with cards i designed and crates of shopping bags i painted and printed and sewed on. i have not been this confident about myself and my abilities and passions since i was fifteen! it is so beautiful and--how many times can i use this word?--exciting!

thank you to dad and beckie for believing in me and helping, thanks to rodney for trusting me and being willing to dedicate some of our minimal funds to this project. thanks to the whole exciting, amazing world.