a sigh of quietude

i hope everyone had a merry christmas and is relaxing now, digesting big dinners and too much sweets, enjoying their families and their gifts. we had a wonderful christmas...because of the snow we couldn't go north as usual on christmas eve, but were instead welcomed at bill and beth's ("step" nana and papa) for their traditional christmas eve clam chowder dinner. t'was lovely. we will be traveling north in mid-january, assuming portland ever melts! becky thoughtfully gave us a dinner-in-a-giftbag--nice hormone-free chicken and some pasta and all the fixings for a super delicious smelling and looking marinade, which i threw together last night and is bathing in it's saucy goodness to prepare for dinner tonight. yesterday--christmas day--we drove into eugene and had lunch at the chinese buffet, which was really quite a nice way to deal with not wanting to cook. i unfortunately sprang a migraine christmas eve and was fulfilling my santa duties through a cloud of nausea and discomfort. it woke me several times in the night and was not gone by morning, as i had hoped. so i asked for a mellow morning of gift opening and mostly received it...the migraine faded by noontime, but i still didn't feel like cooking anything...i had a mean craving for chinese food, though. all of the restaurants in cottage grove were closed for christmas, but rodney didn't mind driving into town.

christmas morning was awesome, i loved watching everyone open all their goodies. and we had a christmas miracle! everything that i had sewn for people, using their own clothes as templates, actually fit them! such a relief. rodney really liked his loungy flannel pants (forest green with a pumpkin orange pocket) and vesta still hasn't left her hoo-hoo owl pajama pants. whew! hazel looks adorable in her little apron. jubal loves his magna-doodle type device, drawing on it and getting others to draw things on it for him about a hundered times a day, if not more. and at the last minute i got him a little elmo doll for his stocking, which he checks on and kisses and hugs all throughout the day. vesta got TWO! beatles cds and the fab four crooned all day in our house. they also got some modeling clay and at one point in the day disappeared to their room for a while, i assumed to play their new game, but emerged a bit later to show me some crazy clay figures they had made...vesta made this amazing mermaid, that managed to look swirly and underwatery...hazel made a couple of different cats and, most notably, a veeeeery creepy looking baby with a giant fat butt and an ill-proportioned bright red penis. i am cracking up even now, thinking about it. it was as if she made a little baby boy and then put a dog penis on him! i'm sorry if i offend anybody out there, but it was sooooo funny.

i will be enjoying the next few days, thinking about the new year and what i may wish to resolve to do in it...vesta will be traveling to california to visit her good friends that moved away, hazel has a huge sleep over planned at ronan's house to stay up late and ghost hunt and about a million other things they've planned. busy, wonderful times.

i am grateful for:
love
my husband
my sweet children
that some chinese restaurants stay open on christmas
my new kleen kanteen, which rodney gave me for christmas and which i have coveted for many months now

time sure flies when you're alive

blue today, in honor of blue mountain school. we had quite an anticlimactic end to the school year, as three days of the last week were snow days. we've exhausted all of our appeals and all of our creative ideas for getting around this or that to allow us to remain open as a publicly funded school...so we will not be re-opening after the winter break. instead of using up all of the foundation's money, and all of our physical/mental/spiritual energy "fighting" for our right to exist in this district by going to court and maybe winning, maybe losing, but certainly spending every kind of energy we have...we've decided to focus on re-opening in the fall in another district. somewhere within a fifty mile radius of here. there are small districts about who desperately need the money and don't have whatever bad vibe this district has about us. i'm confident we will find one more than happy to soak up our extra funds and, for the most part, leave us alone. so now there is lots of leg work to be done finding a district, finding a building, writing proposals and contracts and whatever else. and homeschooling our kids. wheeee! it sucks and it's sad, but in the long run, will probably turn out better for us, as whatever district we can find to take us will certainly be closer to eugene and will vastly increase our pool of prospective students. so, i'm hopeful--and confident--that we will re-open in the fall bigger and better than we've been in the last couple of years, and i'm grateful for that. besides, it'll be nice to have the girls around for a few months. we can do lots of sewing and cooking and various projects, and i can help the girls hone their math and reading skills (and hazel wants to learn french!). that's all the blue mountain news for a while.

on the homefront...
i've been toiling away sewing all my gifts and thinking up new and hideously long and complicated projects to work on. i've got *almost* all my christmas gifts made and wrapped up and am looking forward to distributing them and visiting with everyone, weather permitting.
i sewed hazel an apron out of one of the sheets-turned-tablecloths from our wedding, it's orange and flowery and, if i do say so myself, adorable. i shall have to post a photo of it once she's opened it up. and sewing other things which i cannot yet mention. sadly, i did not get to make jubal's stuffie book, but will be doing it for his birthday. i've been making something else, which i also can't mention yet, but i'm really excited about them and will reveal all once the holidays are passed--i can say, however, that i think this item is a good candidate for my etsy.com shop, which i will be focusing on in the new year. rodney and i need to figure out a way to get high speed internet, as it will be quite a headache to work on the etsy shop using dial-up. just the thought of it gives me a headache. of course, if all goes well with the shop, hopefully it will easily pay for the extra expense incurred by upgrading the internet connection.
i spent some time and energy house cleaning in the kitchen today, which feels great. time devoted to all the holiday-related sewing and crafting has taken away from my already "relaxed" house-keeping and it felt good to see the kitchen looking donna reedish again, if only briefly. tomorrow it's the bathroom and a pile of laundry to fold, then i quit all but routine maintenance until after christmas! (yes, i realize that a clean bathroom and folding laundry IS routine maintenance, but just let me have that feeling of relaxed i-don't-have-to-clean-anything!-ness for a minute).
because of all the snow, we brought the outside rodents (clover and nickles--a bunny and guinea pig) into the house and the girls set them up an elaborate tarp-bottomed corral in their bedroom and i must admit, i love having them inside! they are so accessible for cuddling and since sweetie died i have really missed the "weep-weep!" of a guinea pig. i'd like to figure out a safe way to keep them inside all the time...maybe something in the laundry room? another thing to put off til after christmas.
i hope you are all enjoying the holiday season, visiting and baking and gift-wrapping. try to relax and love it, it's supposed to be a pleasure!

i am grateful for:
creativity
silver linings
fun
craft supplies
textiles

oh, and p.s. i sewed jubal's stocking and it is soooo cute! it's green flannel with bugs and bees on it, all brightly colored and cute and he really loves it. i hung all the stockings above the living room window and he keeps pointing at it and saying, with a huge smile, "what's that?!" he's so great.
AND! how could i not mention this?! he's been using the toilet!!! it's so awesome. he feels great about it and loves to be able to flush afterwards, then wash his hands and play with his toothbrush, which he likes because it has a picture of elmo on it. he loves elmo for some reason.

toiling on

rodney got a bike trailer for jubal--our early christmas gift to ourselves and our main tool of survival during the making of this years christmas gifts for others. whenever he takes jubal out for a long spin, i sew and sew and sew. i'm learning so much about what i thought i knew. heh. it's fun and hard and necessitates the changing of plans and ideas...which is okay. i'm enjoying the process, though i do wish i could get one of those bike rides to last two days straight so i could just finish everything already!

i am planning to make a pair of pajama style pants for vesta...i make little pants for jubal with some frequency, but i'm starting to have a niggle of fear that it won't be quite so easy and i'll wreck my chance at 4 yards of virgin flannel. eek. the flannel is so cute! a warm browny color with tons of little owls in different positions all saying "hoo hoo". i hope she loves them. i'm contemplating making hazel an apron, so that she, too, will have something mommy-made. i'll be making jubal a softy book with clear vinyl windows to hold photographs--he LOVES looking at pictures, especially of him and daddy. i'm really looking forward to the completion of that one, it's gonna be awesome. plus, i'm making some other stuff...ahem.

so. the assembly meeting is tonight, at which, hopefully, the fate of blue mountain will be decided. at least for the rest of the school year (if there is one for us...cross your fingers!). i'll let you know what i learn.

i hope you're enjoying the days leading up to thanksgiving and the planning of your winter holiday gifts and adventures. i love you!

at this moment i am grateful for:

love
hope
change
rootedness
family
creation

it's been a crazy few weeks (isn't it always a crazy few weeks? add them together and it's life, eh?) jubal is in the office with me, examining some rubber stamps i have of the alphabet, and otherwise tormenting my workspace. he's very much into everything these days. exploring, taking apart, opening and closing, etc. also trying to type and climbing onto things (like desks). i'll do my best to write this, despite his crazy antics.

hazel had her birthday, she is now officially 8, with her own swiss army style pocket knife to prove it. she went ice skating for her birthday--rodney took her, vesta, ronan, and another friend to the skating rink...can you imagine?! jubal and i stayed home and did the party dishes. dad's friend chuck came to celebrate with us--he was visiting dad. it was wonderful to see him, he's always been one of my favorite people. he said to me, " i like your house! your dad said it was a hippie house, but i like it." he went on to praise the party and the soup (hazel requested my *famous* "yellow chicken soup"--ground turmeric makes it yellow), which he ate approximately a million bowls of, voraciously and with obvious pleasure. that felt good. it was slightly annoying that dad called my house a "hippie house". i'm not entirely sure what that means...something like not martha stewarty cuz we make an effort to live within our means, so we don't have big fancy matching furniture sets that we bought on credit and we put a garden in the front yard and we hang the kids' art on the walls? i wasn't even born when the hippies thrived, so obviously i can't be one...i dunno, anyways the hippie thing annoys me. i'm not a hippie! living sustainably just MAKES SENSE, it doesn't make you some new age weirdo. is dad a hippie because he used to save up our recycling for months at a time and then pack the station wagon full of it on our trips to portland? or did it just make sense to recycle instead of throw it away? i digress. (dad--i'm not a hippie!)...hazel is 8 and great. she loved the ice skating and a good time was had by all.

i've been doing lots and lots and lots of crafting, including sewing--and i can't go into the details, as christmas gifts MAY BE INVOLVED. shhh. but it's been: fun, challenging, frustrating, awesome, pretty, more fun, happy, cussy, and generally badass. i'm getting pretty decent with that sewing machine these days. the hard part is getting the time--especially lately with jubal's recent step up in the getting-into-everything phase. it's almost impossible to sew or knit if he is in the house (knitting i can do if he's asleep). so i have to rely on rodney to take him out for bike rides or walks or something. rodney is not great at that, but i'm guessing he'll vastly improve in the next few weeks. heh.

onto the blue mountain update...we lost our appeal to ODE and the school board basically plans to shut us down over winter break. we do have some options and maybe even a trick up our collective sleeve, so this doesn't mean it's the end of us...there is an assembly meeting on monday to figure out what we want to do. i pretty firmly believe that we'll figure something out. i'll let you know.

final note...my cat juna died in the night. it was not unexpected, she's deteriorated a lot over the past year. it's a blessing, as she was getting more feeble and weak, and we were all feeling bad for her and trying to make her comfortable, but mostly powerless to help, other than making a bed for her in the office bathroom and frequently changing her bedding, as she lost bladder control over the last couple of weeks (another place where those famed "pee mats" we used for every child's birth and subsequent non-potty-trained life came in super handy). we'll bury her this afternoon when the girls get home from school. i intended to tell them when they got home, so as not to ruin their day, but vesta found her in the office bathroom this morning. she was sad, but okay since it was obviously coming and she was so old. i asked her not to say anything to hazel until they got home. i can never predict how hazel will react to pet deaths...sometimes she's just like "oh" and on to the next thing, other times it is a huge tragically sad scene with tons of crying and swollen nostrils and the need for lots of cuddling and rocking and comforting. i'm expecting it to be one of those days, so i wanted her to at least have a good day at school first. juna was an awesome cat, she was completely loyal to me no matter what happened--she stuck by me with the introduction of new pets...the horrible and wonderful kitten saga, and even through wyatt wyane's arrival. she loved to cuddle and could literally sit on your lap for hours at a time (during those sessions she would often drool a bit, which i loved about her). she's getting a spot in the front flower bed by my rose, so she can rest on my lap forever. best. cat. ever.

gratitudes:

my sewing machine!
creativity
fun
chicken soup
the waxing and waning of life in the cycle of all that is

t-t-t-t-t-twitch update

for any of you who don't yet know, the neurologist said i just have a "simple tic"--tics being, i guess, on a spectrum, like so many other things--and if you have A LOT of tics, they call it tourette's...one lil tic like mine is "simple". if you say so, man! (haha) so that explains the shoulder rolling and twitching and arm flailing. the shaking, i think is different, and is explained by my mild "orthostatic intolerance" (having to do with regulating my blood pressure when moving from sitting or lying to standing)...my thyroid medicine has yet to be increased--i'm about to hit the streets for it! i saw the naturopath yesterday and she wants to test my levels again, then if they indicate it, she'll up it. come on!!! i never got a good explanation of why i would suddenly and randomly develop a tic...maybe he said something and it washed over me, or maybe he didn't. research will be done!

anyways, i don't really mind having a tic, i'm just glad he was able to rule out crazy rare diseases and degenerative horrible conditions. so, yay! now watch out. heh.

gratitudes:
obama!
relative physical health
hazel (she turned 8 yesterday!!!)
vesta
jubal

yes!!!

all i can say is: yesssss!!!! thank you, america! last night was an awesome night and i look forward to the days and years to come. YES!!!

the pleasing taste of anxiousness

it's election day!!! i woke up this morning with the feeling of childhood christmases past. it's finally here! election day!!! i voted weeks ago in oregon's across the board absentee-style voting method, casting my super-excited vote for barack obama, and today we will finally know if he won! this is the most exciting election of my life, and i think the most exciting election in recent history, in general. as well as one of THE most important elections ever. we are on a precipice here--socially, environmentally, economically...i cannot contain myself, i want to jump up and down squealing "election day! election day!"--this is our chance for real change, this is our chance to change america--the way it is and the way it is viewed world-wide, this is our chance to unite as a nation and really step up to our duties as humans on this planet...our chance for a leader that will encourage sane, healthy environmental choices...our chance for the lower and middle classes to THRIVE, rather than just survive...our chance to bring our troops home and let iraq get to their own business to figuring out how they want their democracy to be. i am SO DAMN EXCITED at the prospect of having obama as the leader of our nation that i am all aflutter inside, wired with energy and passion and eagerness. i have never felt this way before, and i love it. it's so important! i am so proud of our country that we even made it this far, that the democratic choices boiled down to a totally capable woman and a totally capable black man--it's exciting!!! it feels like equality--the gender and race didn't matter, for reals! and we'll finally know, tonight! who our next leader will be. it's awesome!
so if you haven't voted, go vote now!
when i was little my dad always took me to the polling place with him, and i was in love with the mystery and the grown-upness of it, the democracy-in-action. i always knew that it was a responsibility and a joyous right of adults, to inform themselves and to make thier selections. i couldn't wait to turn 18 so i could vote. i miss being able to do that with my kids, but they've picked up on the excitement anyways. when i came out this morning shouting "it's election day!" they, too, were excited, casting their sympathetic votes with obama (i admit i don't know exactly how they came to that choice, but i'm happy for it). vesta has been looking forward to the election day themed opb cartoons for two weeks!
yay! it's election day! go vote!

i am grateful for:
democracy
choice
hope
opportunity
grace
(and...the end of those horrible ads!)

krafts are sew kool

i am pleased to announce that whatever neurological problems are going on, so far they are not interfering with my ability to sew or knit (my energy level and thus my will to do so....'nother story)...i've taken back up my abandoned handwarmers for myself that got tossed into the knitting drawer and forgotten and i've been sewing halloween costumes like mad. a wood elf dress for vesta, which involved a lot of leaves and actually SEWING A DRESS!!!--albeit a very simple jumper type bodice, but still. hazel changed her mind three different times--first, she was going to be lee scoresby (the aeronaut from the golden compass--played in the film by our dear friend, sam elliot), then a witch, then at the very last minute (a.k.a. right before i bought the dress material), she decided to be ginny weasly (ron's younger sister in the harry potter phenomenon)...my least favorite choice, but which did result in hazel needing a robe/cloak thingy, which i made up and turned out great, if i do say so myself. more kudos to gramma judy because when she gave me a big stash of sewing materials, there was a giant piece of black polyester, which worked great for the cloak. it turned out so well, in fact, that i think i might save my pennies for some nice wool and sew myself a cloak. mmmm yummy softness and warm.

i was doing some random internet craft-blog and search engine perusing yesterday and finally came upon the name of the product that bottle cap artists use to finish the insides of the bottle caps, giving them a shiny, glossy depth. a probably horribly toxic two-part resin epoxy thing called envirotex...although i actually think i came across some info that said it doesn't off gas...could that be right? more research is needed, i suppose. anyways--i can not wait to try this stuff out! the realm of art has always been my environmental albatross...the place where i just can't help making compromises in the name of being in the moment of creation. i ordered some along with some magnets and am going to play around with it until i'm comfortable, then i think hold a workshop at blue mountain school for the kids.

last night and this morning i worked on making a bag out of that orange and black day of the dead-themed oilcloth i bought several months ago. i put rivets in the top to string the handles through and i really like it. i'm interested to see what kind of weight it can hold. just how strong is that oilcloth, anyways? i definitely had some trouble sewing with that oilcloth and really want to get a teflon foot and figure out just what is the best needle for sewing plasticy things, as i also have some vinyl sheeting i got out of a remnant pile that i want to sew into a pouch. anyone have tips?

today i am grateful for:

1) it's not my day to wash the dishes
2) jubal is so happy and joyful and delicious
3) how supportive my family is during this not-ideal-health crap
4) the other volunteers at BMS for spreading the work around
5) hebrew national hotdogs (when you're so freaking sick and tired that you can never think of foods to prepare, they are right there for you--quick to prepare, savory, and kosher. ah yeah)

no news is....frustrating!

i haven't had the mental momentum to write on here lately. whatever is going on with my body is wearing me out physically and mentally.

i've been to my naturopath and to the neurologist, but so far have no definitive diagnosis. the neurologist did have a couple of options to explore though--one is ruling out this rare disease called wilson's disease, that is a genetic defect that causes your body not to properly metabolize and flush out copper, so it just builds up in your system until it ruins your liver and kills you (if you don't know about it--if you do, it's manageable). he ordered some labs to rule that out and i should have the results next week. the other option is called POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome--or something like that), it has to do with your body not correctly regulating your blood pressure when you change positions (in very layman's terms) causing you to pass out or to tremor or to generally feel like crap. wiki POTS and get depressed. i'm starting to feel like that's probably it, but we shall see. my next appointment with the neurologist is on the 29th.

it's depressing. i feel like crap and mostly just want to lay around and not do anything. so when i do stuff--you have to do stuff! like cook dinner and do laundry and clean up the floor and pay attention to the children...when i do mundane stuff about the house i resent it (not the kid-time, the other stuff), as it uses up all the energy i've got, leaving none to the fun stuff like sewing and knitting and just feeling good BEING.

i've also started to volunteer at the school on mondays for most of the day, and on wednesdays for cleaning. i am enjoying it, for the most part. i do whatever demian and joel need done, if anything, then i wander around being available to help kids do whatever they need doing, cleaning up little messes, and orienting myself with the opal program on the computer...then after lunch i help clean up the kitchen. i still have no idea what i'm doing in the kitchen, so i try to help in such a way that i can't screw anything up--wiping down tables and counters and the salad bar, sweeping, clearing dishes, etc. it feels good to be helping and i like being there, seeing the school in action. i want so badly for the school to spring back from this rough spot with the board. i want it to thrive again, attract more students, feel stable for everyone involved so that it can shine and prosper. i wish we could be a private school! whatever happened to that voucher idea, anyways? i wish the school board could see what i see...i love watching these rough-sounding teenage boys spy a smaller kid having difficulty with something and stop, get to their level, and offer help. i LOVE it! i love how everyone is equal and everyone is always teaching something to someone else. i love that everyone has the freedom to figure out what they want to do and how to do it. i love that everyone has a chance to learn everything...five year olds on computers and pottery wheels, teenagers playing dress-up with the littler kids. it's SO COOL!

i'll update the health info when i have any...in the meantime...enjoy your life, help someone, and eat something delicious.

twitch, tremor, and roll

before i start i have to say this: please read bill bryson's book the thunderbolt kid (now that i type that i'm not positive that's the right name, but i'll double check later). it is ACTUALLY laugh out loud funny. if i had liquid in my mouth when i read some parts of this book, i would spit it everywhere and that would just add to the totally delicious belly ache. it is so damn funny, i mean it. it's about bill growing up in the fifties and it is just so great and nostalgic and totally hilarious. so go read it.

now on to the fun stuff. i have developed a twitch/tremor/spasm thing. it does NOT appear to be related to the previously mentioned neck pain, which went away swiftly, as random slept-wrong pains do. i have seen two doctors about it and done labs, but so far have no diagnosis. i will be seeing a neurologist soon. it does NOT appear to be benign essential tremors, as mine acts up mainly at rest, rather than when i am active. this is unfortunate because the less benign stuff follows this "at rest" tremor pattern. yay. also, it does NOT appear to be related to my thyroid condition or meds, though we are holding off messing with upping the dose (dammit!) until this is thoroughly confirmed.

the twitches basically consume me at times--involving my hands, arms, shoulders, and neck (and by extension my head). they become worse when i am stressed out, when there is a lot of noise or activity around me, and when i am tired (you may have noticed i am always! tired)...it's mainly my shoulders leading the pack--sometimes twitching up and down rather innocuously (relatively speaking, of course)...other times there are these unstoppable rolls that happen with my shoulders four or five times very rapidly. sometimes they cause my arms to flail out rather violently, occasionally beating against my own leg. my upper body is intensely sore and weary from all this movement and activity, which makes for a challenge. imagine an upper-body seizure, but with complete cogency and awareness. when it's not intense it is still frequent "small" shakes. as i said, they are reduced by activity, especially walking. i have not dared to try knitting or sewing yet, as i cannot bear it if these activities will be interfered with.

one good side effect is that my attitude has vastly improved. when every negative feeling, bout of anger, fit of annoyance, etc etc will cause you to flail your arms and roll your shoulders and generally look and feel totally ridiculous...well, it's easier to not sweat the small stuff and even to table the big stuff. it makes not taking anything personally MUCH, MUCH easier. and if i do give into those feelings, the general silliness of LITERALLY not being able to control myself makes a good impression on how silly (and really damaging) it is to take all that *stuff* personally and to be angry or feel negative. it's not worth it and it clearly and obviously is not good for you.

so i will update you on all the latest twitch news as i have it and in the mean time: appreciate your body!

i'm grateful for:
1) my sense of humor
2)jubal's wonderful disposition
3)that nothing about me embarrasses my kids, even if i twitch and flail in public
4)passion--mine and others'
5)life. don't waste it!

up crick creek

this morning as i was laying (lying?) in bed having some kooky dream about my thyroid pills (it was super-realistic and had the feel and texture of swallowing them just right)...i was in and out of awakeness...wondering what time it was and if i should be getting up yet, thinking about having my tea before jubal woke up...i could feel this niggle in my neck. this awareness of not-rightness. a slight pain, even. i could tell that when i actually peeled myself out of bed, my neck and shoulders would be messed up. but i was also still dreamingish, so i hoped it wasn't REALLY real. you know. like the perfect feeling of swallowing the pills. i waited a while to improve my chances of it being dream pain, but the tea kept calling me, so i finally got up. it was real. i had my pill and my tea and waited a half an hour to take an ibuprofen (i'm not supposed to ingest anything immediately before or after the pig pill, except for my tea)...it felt like my body was actually a hanger. the wooden kind for suits. a nice slope to it to match my shoulders, but, you know, still wooden. hard. stiff. and the part that would normally be made of metal and form a hook to hang in your closet, that part was just straight, and went like a rod of pain up my neck. we took the girls to school (hazel made a motion at the school meeting to bring her rabbit to school today, so they needed a ride), and when we got home i promptly took two more ibuprofen. they did nothing. i filled the hot water bottle with a blend of boiling-hot and tap-hot water and parked myself on the couch to watch the today show and the view and the price is right (i'm a during-commercial-switcher). i spent the majority of my day on the couch watching crap t.v. the pain is nauseating and intense. at one point rodney asked me if i wanted to go to the doctor, but of course i stupidly said no. i've never gone to the doctor for a slept-wrong-crick-in-the-neck before! do people actually do that?! god, i wish i had. i would swill pain killers like water right now. i can remember the feeling of no-pain and mental stupor that i had after i took vicodin for a pulled wisdom tooth a few years ago. that feeling would be so perfect right now (and would really improve crap t.v.) that time, i dropped the kids off with lorin, rented like five movies, took my vicodins on time, and watched the movies, then took the next scheduled vicodins, and so on. i want that so bad right now. we're supposed to go to the eugene celebration tomorrow to get our caramel apples and there is a local film fest all weekend here in cottage grove. it's NOT A GOOD TIME FOR THIS!!! but it never is. so i'm chillin' and painin' up crick creek.

diy and garden time

in the immortal words of david brent (the boss on the original The Office) "(i'm feeding the starving africans)...DO IT YOURSELF!" (in a british accent and all)...i've been DIYing it lately and enjoying that. i've found the internet to be a grand library of various tutorials and recipes for pretty much anything you might want to learn to do or make and my latest projects have been inserting zippers (can you believe it's actually EASY?!) and making laundry soap--this one in particular brings me much joy as laundry detergent is so freaking expensive and i have three kids, one in diapers--i do A LOT of laundry...as in, whatever else i'm doing at any given moment, i'm also doing laundry. plus, it's detergent--a petro-chemical based, harsh, not environmentally friendly consumable good that i go through a ton of. there are "green" laundry soaps out there, but they are super high cost for super low volume and i haven't been able to afford them for years now. i made this laundry soap with a tiny bit of plain glycerin soap (which i had on hand because, you know, i make soap), some baking soda, and water. and yes, it works! i tested it first-thing on diapers--no residue, clean looking and smelling, and fresh! yippee! it cost me probably 6 cents a load, if that. i found the recipes on tipnut.com, which is a place i stumbled on that is very midwestern-frugal feeling, not a flashy, sassy, trendy-looking place, but chock-full of good info nonetheless. most of the recipes call for something called washing soda, which is different than balking soda, but i couldn't find it anywhere in cottage grove, so i settled for the baking soda recipe. i'm gonna try a different recipe next time, for kicks. if i can find washing soda in eugene.

the zipper inserting tutorial i found on uhandbag.com, which is the perfect website for me because it is crammed with tutorials on making all kinds of bags/totes/pouches...i don't get much time to go online, but i love going there when i can to ogle all the bag-related stuff. i needed a new pouch, as the one i had was falling apart...dad gave it to me many years ago from one of his trips to mexico and i keep it in my purse, stowing my wallet and keys and random cards and pens and things in...but i hadn't made myself a new one cuz i didn't know how to do zippers. i thought i could probably wing it, but i checked for a tutorial and voila! i now know how to use the zipper foot on my sewing machine and the pouch i made turned out just grand. i cannot wait to buy more zippers and make about a million more pouches--fun and quick! and, by the way, the zipper i used was in a box of sewing ephemera that gramma judy sent over with kimmy and gregg, so thanks gramma judy, i used the zipper! (there is a LOT of cool stuff in that box, including some stuff you use to make your own lampshade, which i am so going to use to make a shade for my viking warrior lamp named draco). pouches are fun and zippers rock!

i spent a good three hours in the front garden today, pulling out the old brassicas and peas, tidying up the beds, preparing to plant garlic, and planting a few end of summer things that hopefully will produce a little bit (lettuce and etc. salad greens) and get strong enough to weather the winter (leeks). last week i planted some mums and a hibiscus in the front flower bed, they look awesome--much nicer than the overgrown, seed-riddled calendulas that were there...plus there are lots of calendula babies coming up, which tend to over-winter and provide a nice spot of color. i also planted some poppy seeds, which hopefully will come up next spring...i planted them on the street side of the farthest-from-the-house raised bed box to pretty it up a bit--towards august the whole garden tends to get all dead and lumpy looking (except the tomatoes, of course--which we are eating plenty of).

tomorrow is the first day of school and the girls are STOKED! we don't know how long it'll last or what's going to happen, but we're gonna suck the marrow out of it and enjoy every bit. the girls were both asked to be on the welcoming committee--ushering around the new students, showing them the ropes and explaining how things work, like JC and how to get certified for stuff. it's going to be a great year!

i'm grateful for:
the library (what a GOOD idea!)...of late i've read: tigerheart, all the way home, a wolf at the table, and currently how far is the ocean? --all checked out from the library
antibiotics (r. has a vasectomy-related infection at the moment. it sucks)
dirt and compost and duff and all things earth-related
online tutorials (they rock!)
my home

bizarre bazaar

well...the "bazaar" was a bust! you know matter and anti-matter? it was the anti-bazaar of bazaars. i arrived a little before ten to set up and there ended up being only one other artist with a few watercolors she'd done in the past few weeks after learning how to paint from internet tutorials. she was pretty good, but only had a few paintings. i set up my table, expecting more artists and crafters to show up...but no. i had my nice green-with-fruit tablecloth and laid out all my bags, nicely arranged so you could see the contrasting lining and whatnot. and my little bundles of notecards, my plate of gorgeous soaps, and some business cards i'd made up in case people wanted to order custom bags or more soap or whatever. the bazaar was at the Church of the Brethren/Fair Trade on Main...the pastor bought 2 bars of soap. several hours later this lady came over and admired the soaps and the notecards, but bought nothing...then came back to buy one bar of soap. i was starving. i'd been told there would be "food booths" so imagined a variety...i figured there'd be something i could choose from to avoid the gluten, but there was just some bbq-er set up, selling hamburgers and hotdogs. yeah, i could have pulled the meat off the bun and washed it off...but yuck. and i didn't really want to spend any money when i'd only made EIGHT DOLLARS! finally i decided to give up at 3:00--an hour early, but i was hot, tired, missed jubal, milk-laden, poor, and starving and i didn't imagine another hour would be much different. so i told the coordinator and then she came out and thank the heavens bought a bag and a few soaps. i made 36 dollars. i spent at least 60 dollars in materials, trims, cards...etc. in preparation for this event. so. but i've still got all the stock, so i can theoretically sell it somewhere. my goal, which i thought to be modest and reasonable, of making 100 dollars seems like such a joke now. but i usually sell tons of soap any time it's out! if people thought the bags overpriced (most of them $18, which pays me for about and hour and a half of the four hours i spend on them), they could have bought the soaps and still left the bazaar with money in their wallets and something pretty to take home. it was bizarre. and i'm still broke.

summer school

so, we revised our proposal for a charter renewal to the board, they said no no no no, again...and the next step is appealing to ODE, then back to the board (if ODE is in our favor), then the board says no no no no again (most likely) then, maybe we go to court...if there's enough money and energy. in the meantime the school will still open and be funded through all the appeals and courts and whatnot. so much for relaxing, eh?

it occurred to me this morning as i ate my smoothie that a group of us may have to rally together and create a new school to propose to the board. some not-exactly-democratic amalgam of academics and freedom. that's what you do when you need something and it's not available, right? you create it. it's an option.

i've been thinking and wondering and working the grain mills of my brain to figure out what to do with the kids if we don't manage to save the school. i don't mind homeschooling, but i was looking forward to them having somewhere to be for the next three years so i can go back to school myself next year. i could sacrifice that desire, but rodney recommends that i don't...it's a chance for me to do what i love and to make a career out of it--a chance for us all to actually HAVE SOME MONEY SOMETIME!!!

so it's all up in the air, and it's all exhausting, and it's all a bit unsatisfying at the moment.

hot mama

it's so painfully hot these days. whew. the yard tub is seeing lots of action, my friends.

so...i sewed 8 tote bags (well, one's a shoulder-ish bag) from SCRATCH!!! and now i'm off them, it's enough for people to pick over and hopefully buy a few. i've made two sets of notecards, one is of a little fat bird and it says "hello" (called "hello birdie), and one is of this abstract geometric weird, dog-god thing i can't possibly describe called "all hail geometrix"...that one has several colors and lots of connecting lines and was quite a fiddly gocco experience. gocco works best with thick lines and lots of space between the colors, but it was such a great time this morning, just sitting down to draw anything random and figure out how to gocco it. it was about seven million times more fun than battling the tote bag sewing monster. plus, the note card sets look so cute all bundled together with their matching envelopes, all secured with bean twine or ribbons. i think i'll make one more design in time for the bazaar...then i'll have to buy more screens and bulbs, and i'm super eager to get more ink colors. so fun. i have several blank, already made canvas grocery totes--i embellished one for dad that i really love--different fabrics sewn on to be peas, a carrot, and a tomato...i may try to do some more of those...they are a bit fiddly as well, as the bags are already made and it can be tricky to sew things onto them without sewing the bag to itself, but certainly no more time consuming than sewing the bags themselves (yes, i've found another thing i can craft and can't possibly charge enough for!)...but i also have those big letter stamps (the ones i bought before my lunch date with sam elliot) and they are awesome for doing tee shirts and whatnot ( i made rodney a "megan's best one" tee shirt for our second anniversary--cotton is the traditional gift for that one--he gave me a bright yellow apron with red chili peppers on it that he got from Past 45, this old lady crafters store in downtown cottage grove that we love....but i digress) so i want to stamp some witty baggish phrases on them and hopefully can sell some of those, as they'll be cheaper than the made-from-scratch-with-blood-and-tears ones. i'm going to do a couple that say "bagism" (remember that?! john and yoko in bed...), and maybe potato stamp a couple, as well. should be fun and A LOT easier than the other ones (dear god, please let at least two of those bags sell!)

well, it's late and it's hot and rodney and i are supposed to have a movie date watching The Postman tonight, so i'm off to melt in front of the fan.

i'm grateful for:
rodney
opportunities to learn
my kick-ass sewing machine
the yard tub
creative energy
AND my pig pills, they higher dose of which is helping some

bipolar tote-bag disorder

dad asked me if i wanted to do a table at an upcoming Fair Trade on Main craft bazaar and i foolishly said yes...so i've been madly (as in insanely) trying to create a stock of goods--which didn't exist AT ALL. sewing my own tote bags from scratch. it goes like this: swift, beautiful, perfect, delightful tote bag...crap, horrible, awful, painfully slow and problematic tote bag which i hate and don't want to give up on because i've already devoted HOURS to making it...then beautiful, heavenly bag, then demon bag from the pits of hell...i feel adept and hopeful, i feel inadequate and ridiculous and bumbling and STOOOOOOOPID...etcetera, lalala.

i need a break and don't have time for a break and i'm exhausted and i can't fall asleep at night. then i feel on top of the world--a design diva of the finest order, i'm amazingly fast at picking up this sewing thing, yippee! then crap, then wonderful. you get it.

now the baby needs me, then i have to sew some more. see you in a couple of weeks! if i survive.

hmmmmm

i woke up this morning feeling like today isn't really any day at all, a little groundlessness from the lack of schedule with rodney out of work, i guess...
there's a good feeling in the air, though, of all the projects we can do in the next few weeks. rodney will likely just stay on unemployment (hoping for some side jobs, too) until school starts (unless, of course, he's needed back at work--hopehope), so there'll be another adult here to help out with jubal so the girls and i can take care of a bunch of art projects that need doing...a special soap i want to make that i'd like them to help with, some gocco prints, and a trial run of my homeschool plan (which is to study everything through art. everything!)
we did a gocco print run last week of a design hazel made--a tuxedo angel cat with a little gold halo, and it turned out awesome! vesta did a sketch, too, but we had to order more screens and bulbs (i've been promising them that i'd let them try the gocco, so i used my last child support payment to order the stuff). vesta's is a sketch of a flying fish and she wants to run the print in gold ink--she has quite the eye, it's going to be very nice. we'll likely do that today. we also have this project we got from santa last christmas, enough goodies to make 4 stepping stones, which we haven't done yet, and i'm super looking forward to.
so i'll try to stay positive, especially since rodney is uber-stressed out, and just enjoy the time together and the opportunities it offers us...i imagine once school starts, there will be a reshuffling that might be hard to adjust to, so i want to enjoy some lovey-dovey family time while we can.

i am grateful for:
rabbits, the best pets in the world
rice, which doesn't contain gluten!
my home
my family, especially dad and aunt kim right now, who are being extra-special supportive in this crazy time
energy--the small bits i have and the larger bits those around me have to keep working on keeping the school open

everything's blowing up

this is the time of year when the garden really blows up. i've pretty much lost all control and the thistles will be where they may...the cauliflower is growing up into the tomato cage, the borage has sprawled everywhere, baby thyme plants have sprung up all over the north herb garden (maybe next year i'll have some sizable plants to give someone!), the scarlet runners have far surpassed the height of their string trellis, and more. i surrender to that and merely harvest and water. if i happen to see a weed, i might pull it. it's working fine, we haven't had to buy any veggies for a month or so, except zukes and cukes--the cukes i forgot to plant and the zukes aren't ready yet (lots of blooms, though). oh, and carrots, which i succeeded in not growing effectively AGAIN this year. they all went to flower without making carrots first...pull them up and you get this tiny white rootlet topped by a giant flower. ah, well. the only other thing that flopped was the potatoes. we got two meals out of the 18 plants! they were yummy, though. i planted them without properly preparing the bed, so i'm not hugely surprised, though i was sort of hoping for a pass on that this year.

other things are blowing up, too, but not in such a good way...
hazel is an unpredictable emotional wreck this week. she misses layla so badly. she just aches with it. layla was her best friend at school, her main playmate, and just a special girl. hazel is stressed out about how school is going to be without layla there. she believes no one else likes her and she'll have no one to play with. she's bitterly upset about elise and lesley leaving the school. she said her three best things at school were layla, elise and lesley, and now they're all gone. wail wail. i asked her if she thought she'd like to try going to a different school (thinking there'd be a wider base of kids to choose from than blue mountains current enrollment) and she said only if it was a school with people like layla at it! it was another rough night.

jubals's mouth is blowing up. he went from having 6 teeth to having 10 teeth in like a week. and those 4 extras are molars. he's fine all day, but he's a wreck at night. in pain and frustrated and bewildered. it's sad and it's loud and it hurts my heart.

and now that rodney is able bodied enough to work full time on a real crew--there's no work! he had to file for unemployment and we have to figure out what to do. maybe it's just slow right now while the crews wrap up the jobs they're on and it'll go back to normal with new jobs...or maybe the economy is so fecking bad that there won't BE new jobs and we'll be extra screwed. i've considered trying to get hired on for a night shift at the mcDonald's that's a couple of blocks from our house. i know it sounds crazy that i would work there, but it's a mindless, easy job that's close to my house and one of the only places around here that is open at night. of course, i have the energy level of a hot bag of sand, so i have no idea how i'd mother and chore-do all day and then work a shift at a job, but...god, i really hope i don't have to do that.

the pigpills seem to be working a little better with the increased dose. i don't feel !GREAT! and !FULL OF ENERGY! like i hoped i would, but i don't feel quite so exhausted. maybe one more grain will do the trick. the gluten-freeness sucks ass and even if it lowers my antibodies, i doubt seriously that i could do it for my whole life. it's hard and everything costs more and there is no quick lunch--obviously if i planned things out better, there could be, but no on the fly sandwiches these days. i'm learning to keep a pot of rice in the fridge so i can fry it up for lunch.

no news on the blue mountain front. or any other fronts that i can think of.

i'm grateful for:

my sweet, sweet kids
my youth
my home
perseverance
love

suckimoto

well, i've been back to the naturopath's to see what the new bloodwork fairy brings...turns out a further, but not more helpful, diagnosis: hashimoto's thyroiditis (also known as "hashimoto's disease"). if you just say "hashimoto's" it sounds kind of exotic, add the thyroiditis and it sounds made up...call it hashimoto's disease and it sounds straight up too diseasy for my tastes. so, hashimoto's it is. it means my body is creating antibodies to attack my very own thyroid with--the average person gets a rate of 35, i have 1000. nice, huh? "they" (ie. doctors, medicos, etc etc) don't know what causes it, but it tends to be genetic and there are theories, as i mentioned before, involving all the toxins and pollutants in the environment--they really screw with your endocrine system in lots of nasty ways.

so it basically sucks. there is no cure, they just treat the symptoms--ie. the hypo-thyroid. though my doc did recommend trying a gluten-free diet, as a guy she took a seminar from earlier in the year has had great success with lowering the antibodies that way. so i have an incurable disease in which my body attacks itself from the inside AND i can't eat gluten. i bet you didn't think of it, but gluten can even be in BEER!!! so i can't even wallow with a cold one in a pool of pity and weariness. guess i'll be a wino, then. i'm trying the gluten-free diet for three weeks, starting probably sunday. then i get more bloodwork (to see if the antibodies went down), then i "challenge" the gluten-freeness by eating a bunch of gluteny things (come to me beer, let me make a sauce of you to pour all over my pasta!!!) yeah yeah logic logic...if it makes me feel better it's worth it blah blah blah.

it is so--make that SOOOOO--depressing to learn that your body is attacking its own self. if you think of your mind and body and spirit as a unit (you-nit, haha) then it's especially interesting (in a way that makes you want to drink a bottle of wine all to yourself and cry about what a failure you are) to think about the fact that you are attacking yourself. why? why would your mind/body/spirit do that? why can't you do anything about it? (whispered thoughts: can you do anything about it?!) if it's all connected, then couldn't you figure out why you're attacking yourself on an emotional/spiritual level, then resolve it, and then be all better?! medically, it does not appear so, though maybe deepak chopra would say different, i dunno. and this is where quantum physics always breaks down for me. even when every cell of my being believes in something, i cannot always "choose that potential"...so. hmph.

anyways, right now i'm wallowing. i always give myself a few days to wallow when REALLY bad things happen.

yeah, it's not cancer, it's not AIDS (though it does cause me to have a greater propensity for developing other auto-immune disorders), but it's big and sucky to me anyways, and i feel like crap about it.

now for the hopeful bits...my piggypill dose has been upped to 60 milligrams, so hopefully i'll finally start to feel some relief from the chronic, nagging, annoying, horrible fatigue. and...in my research and my discussions with the doc, i've discovered that many things are symptoms of hypo-thyroidism, things that i've been dealing with, but didn't really think of as symptoms...like dry skin ( i thought i just didn't eat enough fish!); ridged/cracked/brittle nails (i've had this one nail that always splits in the middle no matter what i do or how careful i am with it--for YEARS); weight gain, of course (new t-shirt idea: " i'm not fat and lazy, it's my thyroid!")--no wonder all those grueling curves sessions made ABSOLUTELY NO FECKING DIFFERENCE!, itchy skin (there is this spot on my stomach that has been bothering me since jubal was born!). stuff like that. i honestly think this was brought on by my pregnancy with VESTA! i've had symptoms that didn't seem like symptoms for that long! (she's ten now, by the way). the bitter irony--when i was dealing with the "breastfeeding issues" after she was born, clarebeth said something about "it could be a thyroid problem" to joe (her naturopath husband) and he responded with something about what good would it be to know that if there wasn't anything you could do about it--i guess assuming i wouldn't take the pills. maybe i wouldn't have then, who knows. but damn. i sure wish THAT path had been pursued at the time. sigh.

here's to pigs and oncoming relief and the resilient human spirit, which i hope i have somewhere in me.

my hearing must be bad

they voted no, five to two--with one of those being leslie r. so she can bring the motion back for re-deliberation later, after the final order comes back from the state....so: appeal, appeal, appeal....say goodbye to a meetingless, relaxing summer where we could all be assured of our futures and just enjoy ourselves without this damn stress crippling our hearts ("goodbye summer!"). i have no doubt that if we actually make it to COURT we will "win"...i have doubts that we have the collective energy and money to get to court.

come to the hearing!!!

just a reminder...
the blue mountain hearing with the school board--about the charter application for renewal--is TONIGHT at five-o-clock. if you are near cottage grove, come out to support the school. we want a massive crowd, so pass on the news. a lil birdie told me there's a celebration afterwards at t's house...be there or be square, hai!

let's get graphic

rodney brought home the LCC course catalog from his testing and advisor meeting day and i devoured the graphic design program. art, art, art classes! design, design, design classes! electives of MORE art and design classes...drool drool.
i'm bitterly jealous and already sick of the several times a day report about this or that planned out class schedule and this or that bemoaned math class, etc. etc. and all i hear (besides all that) is maybe you can go next year. or the year after that. yeah yeah.
why does my stuff always get put off til the last? yes, i know it's more practical this way. i know all the logic stuff. but that doesn't change it being yet another occasion of my dreams, wishes, standards....etc...coming dead last.
i'm happy for rodney--my jealousy takes nothing from that. he's wanted this for a long time, too. and he's settled on what he wants to study and is excited. it's wonderful for him, and for all of us. it's very exciting to think of the comfort and stability offered by a degree-job. it won't wreck his body and will use his mind. he's studying to be a water conservation technician, which is awesome and necessary. so kudos to all that stuff. i know it and appreciate it...
but this is my blog and i can whine if i want to!
so picture me stomping my feet and wailing "I WANNA GO TO GRAPHIC DESIGN SCHOOL! I WANNA MAC AND A BIG PALETTE OF OVERLY EXPENSIVE MARKERS! I WANNA STUDY EVERY KIND OF PRINTING IMAGINABLE !" STOMP stomp.
okay, i guess that's enough.
maybe next year.

my mysterious reply from jim goes, SLSD board chair...

"Thanks for the detailed letter, Megan. I have a feeling that this story is not over yet..."

i THINK it is meant to be encouraging...but he could also be expressing his frustration over the obvious fact that we will not die! i'm hoping it was encouragement.

it's summertime and the living is(n't) easy...

hard times have befallen us. rodney's shoulder finally heals up enough so he can work and there ISN'T any! come on, rich people, build your additions! thanks to dad for helping us through some mortgage trauma. rodney is going to school this fall! that's exciting, eh? he meets next week with a "career counselor" to figure out what best to study and get his associate's degree in. la-ti-da. i'm jealous! i've been dying to study graphic design for the last two years...but maybe next time.

fortunately the garden is booming--i've never been so rich in greens! salads and greens at every meal--they really improve the staples of pasta, rice & beans, and potatoes. it's all better with a big side of greens. we ate our first head of broccoli last night and the peas are jumpin'. i'm grateful that we're totally poor at a time when there is a lot of good food growing, or we'd be supremely screwed and all die of scurvy before the fall. i jest...but just a little. oh yeah! i saw my first lil green tomato this morning! yes!

i've almost completed my first knitted hat--red and green stripes. it's awesome. and by tonight my needles will be freed up for the instep and toe of my second sock--which i had to postpone finishing until i had more green yarn. which i do now. it feels so cool to KNIT something! you turn this long string into something cool looking and usable! it befuddles me that people invent things like this, human ingenuity is so wonderful.

the pig hormones have not had any effect yet, but hopefully in a couple more weeks i'll notice some improvement (please. please, please, please!)

all is mostly well, other than the poverty and job insecurity and inhuman tiredness...we're all still basically happy and enjoying each other and the world around us. learning new things and interacting with friends and the larger community. dreaming big. last night rodney said that as soon as we have money we're getting a dishwasher! his time at home has really changed his perspective on THAT topic!!! yay.

today i am grateful for:
1) parents
2) hope
3) rodney's opportunity
4) flax seeds
5) my booming garden

my letter to the south lane school board

Dear Board Members,

Last night was the yearbook party at Blue Mountain School. Two of my children attend Blue Mountain and I am writing in hopes to inspire you to find a way to keep working with us to form a plan that satisfies everyone’s needs. The party was a bittersweet occasion. It was great to see everyone again, to play and chat, and enjoy good food and company with our community. It was also sad, sadder than the word “sad” allows for. No matter what happens now—whether we find a successful solution that keeps the school open, or we don’t and it closes—it was the definitive END to something beautiful that nourished my kids and my self. The Blue Mountain community will never be the same again. I have faith that we will rebuild our community, that it will be different, but still strong and creative and supportive. But I mourn for what we have lost. Two of the staff members are leaving, and my kids will miss them bitterly. One of the student families is moving to California…their family includes two young girls who played frequently with my two girls. I had always been so grateful that my children had these wonderful friends, in and out of school. I thought they would grow up together, to help ground and inspire each other. I thought as parents we would be able to celebrate their achievements, support their falls. I was so grateful to know that my kids had not only their own family to be a net under them and to cheer for them and appreciate them, but also this other family, who would love and honor them. I was excited to do the same for their beautiful children. That family would not be leaving if the future of the school had not been in such turmoil, so uncertain and stressful.

I want to tell you about my girls. My daughter Vesta is ten and my daughter Hazel is seven. They also have a little brother, Jubal, who we all hope will one day attend Blue Mountain School. Over the last school year, both girls’ reading abilities have skyrocketed. As a parent who loves reading, is a writer, and deeply believes in the idea that if you can read, you can learn ANYTHING, it was very hard for me to watch school years go by in which my daughters never did much with reading. They had the basic skills required to read and if you pointed to a word or sentence, they could read it to you—but there was no interest or drive to read, though they have always loved being read to, so I know they loved stories and books. It helped me survive this non-reading period to look at all the teenagers at Blue Mountain, those who were there from the beginning or very early on, who were not only proficient readers, but who now LOVED to read. I knew those kids hadn’t learned to read “on schedule”, and it reassured me to see them with wonderful, literary books in hand, that they were obviously reading for pleasure. I bit my tongue, which wanted to wag at the girls: “take reading classes, take reading classes!!!” and tried, sometimes unsuccessfully, to keep the faith that they WOULD read. Now they both do. They often read to me, which of course I love…but I also see them toting books into their room to read before lights out. Which I love infinitely more!

Both of my daughters have participated in running businesses at school, especially over the last year. This has been interesting and exciting to watch. Not only does running a small business require precise math skills—for making change, buying and selling goods, keeping track of inventory and so forth (as well as the measuring skills required to bake or prepare the goods they were selling), but subtler skills as well—like figuring out how to price their goods. When they began their ventures, the pricing seemed random, and while I did suggest that it might be a good idea to figure out how much they spend to get the products and price things with that in mind, they learned the concept much more successfully by trial and error. My seven year old thinks almost everything should cost a quarter, so everyone can afford it…but she quickly learned that you don’t make a profit that way! It was very exciting to watch them really grasp the concept and then do the work to figure out prices that were fair for everyone.

Both girls have been certified for the sewing machines at school and often bring home items they have made: purses, pillows, toys and dolls for their baby brother. Vesta even explained to me how to use the buttonholer! She also sewed matching aprons for all the participants of her ice cream business, telling me after each one how she had further perfected her skills, what she had learned to do better and how each one got progressively smoother to make. Having just started on my own path of learning to sew, I have greatly enjoyed hearing about her experiences.

They do so much at school, I couldn’t possibly describe it all, or explain to you all the intricate details of their learning processes. I can tell you it is thrilling to watch and be a part of.

I can understand your reluctance to lend support to a school in which it seems like the kids “don’t do anything”. It’s true that sometimes kids are sleeping on the couch, playing video games, hanging out…it seems like not doing anything, but I don’t believe it is. I think that honoring your body’s need for rest is important—so many people in our culture don’t listen to their bodies and just drudge through life, tired and unhealthy. I feel grateful that my kids have a school where the needs of their bodies are respected—though my kids aren’t teens yet, so they don’t ever nap at school, they’re too busy playing and learning. My kids also don’t spend much time on the computers, but I’ve watched the other kids gaming away—not the way I’d choose to spend my time, so I was surprised to see that they are actually learning a lot while they do it. The video games and the role-playing games actually involve a lot of quick math skills, reading skills, map reading skills, strategy, and cooperation. It’s pretty cool. I won’t be buying my kids an x-box anytime soon, but I’ve learned it’s not an invalid way to spend your time.

I also love that the kids are able to socialize with each other, and I was incredibly surprised and pleased to see how well all the ages get along with each other. Often the older kids teach the younger kids, and frequently include them in their activities. They treat them with respect! There are so many different types of people in that little school, and so many opportunities to learn and grow. One student is autistic—super friendly, but sometimes in your face. It has been so great to have him in our community, opening everyone’s heart and teaching us all patience and understanding. He’s amazing, every time I see him he asks me about Jubal, checking up on his age and weight, always remembering the previous numbers, as well as Jubal’s birthday. He always calculates how many months I’ve told him Jubal is, figures out that is still one year old, then he announces that he was once a one year old, too (to which I reply that I was, as well, many years ago). Then he says that some day soon Jubal will be two. I have grown to really love these interactions with this boy, as I know others have, including my own kids and my husband, who is not generally a very patient person—it’s fun to watch him interact with patience and real interest to whatever their latest topic is.

This school is a real gem. I know it is hard for you to see or understand that. I know it is very, very different from the schools you’re used to working with. I apologize to you that we have so far been unable to quantify the learning in a way that you can understand the depth and breadth of it…it’s really challenging for us, because we are there all the time, we know the kids, we see them grow and learn. It’s hard to reduce all that they are and do into a number or a percentile. I am committed to continuing to try and find a method that works for you and us. I will do anything in my power to keep Blue Mountain open for my kids, for all the kids. It is my sincere hope and goal that we can heal the wounds between us and learn to work together, so that we can all feel satisfied and happy with Blue Mountain School. I am one of the parents who will be very involved in the school in the years to come, and I do not wish to harbor bitterness or anger, I only wish to have a successful school, available to all who choose to attend.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long and winding letter, I appreciate your time and hope you will consider finding a way to work with us to remedy your concerns.

Sincerely,

Megan MacCullen, parent