tic-talk

my tic has persisted ALL DAY. by which i mean, actually all day long without letup. variances in intensity? yes. reprieve? no. it causes my insides to feel as if they are in constant motion. which causes motion sickness. i wonder if other people with tics have this nauseated side effect? i'd love to hear if they do. we are about to leave to drive to town, as the kids are having a sleepover at rodney's apartment. i am going out with my old high school best friend, erin (thanks facebook!). i guess it's fine if i just keep ticking away, but it would be neat to go out without causing a scene. oh well. at least i'm getting out. i haven't been this social since high school! when i get home i am sewing a special dress for loki, which i hope i remember to take a picture of, since it will be my first dress ever, not counting halloween costumes. blast this interfering tic. here's to hoping it doesn't screw up my driving. or my sewing.

i am grateful for:
the fact that it really is just a tic
my car
jubal
my new tarkio cd (thanks, aunt kim, i used my birthday money to get it and i love it!)
my impending alone time

argh

a vent:

my tic is acting up...there is shaking and lurching involved, as well as nausea and actual ticking (the jerky movements). it is interfering with my photography, my ability to eat, my ability to wash the dishes, my ability to carry the baby, and my ability to feel well. i have to drive into town later and am feeling nervous about that, because it is really bad.

the baby, sensing that i have been feeling like crap for a couple of days, is really up my bum about everything. it's hard to keep him happy or into anything, and it's hard to play with him because of all the shaking and lurching and ticking. and because i feel like crap and have for two days and want to be alone but can't. he is whining a lot, throwing things, fussing, kicking, and not being satisfied with anything. his loudness and dissatisfaction feeds the ticking, causing it to be even worse. vicious cycle ensues.

two of our pets have died in the last week. the guinea pig and bunny that lived outside. the guinea pig i imagine was just that old, the bunny may have died of loneliness from losing her friend. but the dog, who has turned stubborn and mean and aggressive, refuses to die or run away or behave. greenhill won't take him because of his weird new aggressive behavior and his mysterious allergy that results in a randomly occurring horrid skin condition that is ugly and expensive. i have a couple more places to call, and then i don't know what to do. he tried to bite both vesta and me a few days ago and i have just reached my limit with him. everything i have to deal with PLUS an unreliable, expensive, potentially dangerous dog (who also started marking territory in the house! hello, outside living!)--no, i cannot do it. suggestions for dealing with this dog are welcome via comments or e-mails or phone calls.

that's it. that's my vent. i try not to do it too much, but sometimes it helps shift things around.

i am grateful for:
vesta
hazel
my house
my financial aid award
my bed

t-t-t-t-t-twitch update

for any of you who don't yet know, the neurologist said i just have a "simple tic"--tics being, i guess, on a spectrum, like so many other things--and if you have A LOT of tics, they call it tourette's...one lil tic like mine is "simple". if you say so, man! (haha) so that explains the shoulder rolling and twitching and arm flailing. the shaking, i think is different, and is explained by my mild "orthostatic intolerance" (having to do with regulating my blood pressure when moving from sitting or lying to standing)...my thyroid medicine has yet to be increased--i'm about to hit the streets for it! i saw the naturopath yesterday and she wants to test my levels again, then if they indicate it, she'll up it. come on!!! i never got a good explanation of why i would suddenly and randomly develop a tic...maybe he said something and it washed over me, or maybe he didn't. research will be done!

anyways, i don't really mind having a tic, i'm just glad he was able to rule out crazy rare diseases and degenerative horrible conditions. so, yay! now watch out. heh.

gratitudes:
obama!
relative physical health
hazel (she turned 8 yesterday!!!)
vesta
jubal