time flies away as i panic

it's the endless problem of time. i feel completely elated by all the amazing stuff i want to do (you would not believe the number of awesome bag, notepad, notebook, etc. ideas i have moshing in my brain every night!) and i don't even have time to adequately sweep the floor every day! i fantasize daily about sending my family away for a month. 30 days of time! i would only have to do what i wanted and my house would be clean! i would spend the first three days super-cleaning the house and FINALLY organizing the office for maximum efficiency. i would spend the rest working. cutting, sewing, gluing, assembling, knitting (in the evenings...i'm dying to try knitting play food)...i would dedicate the mornings to a quick clean-up...dishes, sweep, laundry, etc. i imagine this would take and hour or less if it was just me and i didn't have to stop to nurse the baby. or feed the baby. or help the girls with some project. or make lunch for four. etc. i would cook awesome dinners a couple of times a week, the rest would be left-overs and egg/toast/salad type affairs. my brain would blaze with creative energy, blessing me with some kind of adrenaline rush that would prevent me missing my family at all. i would make multiple trips to the print shop and master photoshop and have a work station on every available surface. i would be a bottlecap magnet machine. my fingers would be stained with ink and my floor littered with thread (til that morning clean up!) the supplies i need would always be available, never sold out and especially never on back-order...i'd build a giant, amazingly stylish and effective inventory, which i would photograph perfectly, post diligently and sell like hotcakes!

i would like to say more, but i am out of time. for the record, though, i do want them to come back after 30 days...maybe 30 days on, 30 days off? so rad!...

i'm grateful for:
1) quick, but delicious meals
2) my breath
3) my washing machine
4) my garden fences (which will allow me to utilize my clothesline this summer!)
5) that the kids can babysit jubal while i nap

bipolar tote-bag disorder

dad asked me if i wanted to do a table at an upcoming Fair Trade on Main craft bazaar and i foolishly said yes...so i've been madly (as in insanely) trying to create a stock of goods--which didn't exist AT ALL. sewing my own tote bags from scratch. it goes like this: swift, beautiful, perfect, delightful tote bag...crap, horrible, awful, painfully slow and problematic tote bag which i hate and don't want to give up on because i've already devoted HOURS to making it...then beautiful, heavenly bag, then demon bag from the pits of hell...i feel adept and hopeful, i feel inadequate and ridiculous and bumbling and STOOOOOOOPID...etcetera, lalala.

i need a break and don't have time for a break and i'm exhausted and i can't fall asleep at night. then i feel on top of the world--a design diva of the finest order, i'm amazingly fast at picking up this sewing thing, yippee! then crap, then wonderful. you get it.

now the baby needs me, then i have to sew some more. see you in a couple of weeks! if i survive.