what i made today, setting things on fire, and sad girls.

today i made: 6 mixy-matchy napkins, as amy karol calls them. i didn't follow her recipe specifically, but a similar creation is featured in her book Bend the Rules Sewing. i had some scrap fabric and fat quarters, so i just folded one of the fatties over itself triangle-wise and cut off the excess, so i had a square. i folded over the edges and pressed, folded again and pressed and sewed.

we only use cloth napkins at our house and ours have gotten super crappy all of the sudden, so i've been meaning to make some new ones. now i have.

rodney and i had our last smokes this morning and tossed the rest into the woodstove. mine was empty, but his had a bunch still left in there, so i was pretty impressed. i just threw mine in for show. currently, i'm doing well, but feeling like it's dumb to quit smoking because smoking is so rad. however, it's important to me that i be as healthy as possible and model good health for the kids. so. still not smoking.

last night the girls went to their friend ronan's house to stay up late and celebrate the new year. rodney and i watched a bunch of t.v. and smoked a lot. a little after 7 the girls' dad called to let me know that dave, their aunt's husband, had died the morning before. dave was a lovely, awesome man and it was sad news to receive. i picked the girls up this afternoon and had to tell them when we got home. they are devastated. there was a long period of sitting on my bed trying to touch them both while they cried and were very still and hot and sad. they just saw him over christmas and they are suffering from the grief of losing dave, sadness for their aunt and how she will cope, and struggling with the idea of mortality. the reality that you can have christmas dinner with a man one day and the next week he is no longer living. dave was not particularly old, and so they are probably thinking about their mom and dad, and their grandparents, and themselves, and how suddenly and unexpectedly a life can change.

my love is going out to aunt L. today. i hope she has the support she needs. i hope she finds the strength to survive. i hope she can manage.

i am grateful for:

vesta

hazel

jubal

rodney

dad