scales are mean

well i had my weigh-in at curves yesterday. all i can say is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! does anything suck more than working out and gaining weight at the same time?! and no, not muscle! i'm sure there are more sucky things, but there weren't yesterday. so i'm giving in: i will now keep a dang food journal and will measure my portions. argh. i hate anything that makes food seem clinical, but i guess i have to do it--i hate the extra fat, more. i've been thinking about what the extra fat does for me--protection? hiding? etc. and also when and why do i eat the stuff i know i shouldn't, so i'll put that in my dang food journal, too. i think i'll make a journal for this purpose and actually call it that: dang food journal. maybe i can market them to the counter-culture chubbies alongside my bags! haha. and i need to get a scale for at home so i can weigh every day, dang scales! dang dang dang. i can't afford one though, so that might take a couple of months.
today i had a frozen berry and yogurt smoothie for breakfast (jubal had one, too, with just blueberries and he loved it). then i felt hungry but just dealt with it til lunch when i had leftovers from dinner--chicken breast chunks with spinach and a tiny portion (really!) of au gratin potatoes. now i'm gonna make a quart of nettle-oatstraw-mint with green tea and sip on that all day. plus it is sunny today, so maybe jubal and i can get a walk in some time before the girls come home.
and a little p.s. on the back issue, since y'all keep asking me! it's improving, but only so long as i don't blow off/forget/get distracted from the exercises, so i'm trying to be diligent about it. maybe i'll get a tattoo on the back of my hand that says "mama doesn't come last!" to remind myself to quit putting all the *me stuff* off until....wooops, the day is gone....i love you self, i love you friends and family.

five things to be grateful for today: 1)sun 2)that it's almost february 3)tax rebates! 4)my blood vessels 5)the patience and love of my family who puts up with ALL of me, not just the good stuff.