t-t-t-t-t-twitch update

for any of you who don't yet know, the neurologist said i just have a "simple tic"--tics being, i guess, on a spectrum, like so many other things--and if you have A LOT of tics, they call it tourette's...one lil tic like mine is "simple". if you say so, man! (haha) so that explains the shoulder rolling and twitching and arm flailing. the shaking, i think is different, and is explained by my mild "orthostatic intolerance" (having to do with regulating my blood pressure when moving from sitting or lying to standing)...my thyroid medicine has yet to be increased--i'm about to hit the streets for it! i saw the naturopath yesterday and she wants to test my levels again, then if they indicate it, she'll up it. come on!!! i never got a good explanation of why i would suddenly and randomly develop a tic...maybe he said something and it washed over me, or maybe he didn't. research will be done!

anyways, i don't really mind having a tic, i'm just glad he was able to rule out crazy rare diseases and degenerative horrible conditions. so, yay! now watch out. heh.

gratitudes:
obama!
relative physical health
hazel (she turned 8 yesterday!!!)
vesta
jubal

i feel sick

last night was the yearbook party for blue mountain and i want to curl up and cry all day from it. lesley and elise are moving on to other jobs, other lives. the dickson's are moving to california. a bunch of the bms kids are moving on to other schools, where they can be assured the schools will be open for them. i am full of sadness and anger and the bitter will to keep fighting the injustice of the south lane school board. the hearing's in a couple of weeks, the application will be filed this weekend, lots of ideas for ways to appease the board are afoot...i'll be writing my letter to the board today.

and just in time to help boost my energy for the cause...i have an answer to my unwilling lethargy and metabolism that will not budge no matter what i do. hypo-thyroidism. woohoo. i'm now on the potentially long road of figuring out how to balance everything correctly. the solution? pig hormones. from pig thyroids. weird, eh? the company that makes them is called Armour...you know, like the giant meat company. freaky. i try to console myself with the idea that at least every bit of those pigs is going to use, no matter how much i disagree with industrialized meat production, blah blah, blah. the thought of having to take a pill every day for the rest of my life is super depressing, but i don't think i can really get around it. i didn't do anything to ruin my thyroid, it just happened. but it sucks to have part of your body not work right. it just feels sad and disappointing and weird and frustrating. i haven't come across a definitive reason for why the thyroid malfunctions--but, not surprisingly, one of the posited theories involves CHEMICALS IN OUR FOOD AND DRINKING WATER!!! shocking, ahem. so thanks industrial farmers, industrial age, monsanto, idiots everywhere that produce plastic and pollute the earth and the seas and the skies. a hearty thank you from my fucked up body! ironic that the solution comes from industrial food production, isn't it. it's a vicious circle like those GMO patented seeds. but i won't keep ranting on. i'm feeling bitter and depressed and like this really sucks.
but i would be remiss if i didn't also say that i am hopeful and excited at the prospect of feeling better. rain energy upon me, o pig hormones. fill me up with your frolicking, mud-loving, intelligent spirit. give me the energy and i'll use it to my best abilities and make you proud, pigs.

i'm grateful for:
1) the people involved in blue mountain who are continuing to try and find solutions.
2) the people involved in blue mountain who have to move on now, but who are beautiful, kind, generous, witty, amazing people who changed my children's lives and gave them gifts beyond measure with which to build the framework of their own realities.
3) pigs and their apparently humanistic hormones.
4) my garden which feeds me, relaxes me, inspires me, and fulfills me.
5) the spirit of good which will not die.