basically, it never ends...another bad morning

basically, it never ends...another bad morning
Originally uploaded by hedgenettle

more waking up to feeling totally sick...it just isn't reasonable that i should have to do all this alone. we made this family together. we made jubal together...now R. just wants to see the kids once or twice a week and pay $400 a month for their care? and i'm left to do all the parenting, and pay all the bills, and i'm supposed to be physically here for the kids and stay calm and nice and loving and fun? my life feels all ripped to shreds.

how can there not be any relief from this? how can a person be expected to handle all of this? how can there be no fecking justice in the world? where the hell is the man i married and who is this new guy?

i just feel so completely sick, in every way possible.

ugh..oooohhh man...ugh

i am sick. i feel so weak and tired and my insides are scratchy. i felt this cold coming on over a week ago, dosed myself with emergen-C and hoped for the best. i got the worst. this cold keeps morphing and mutating, to allow me to feel every potentiality a cold could offer. congestion, sore throat, sore body, foggy mind, weakness, exhaustion, so much pain in my head. on and on. don't come near me! you don't want this.

i am hoping and praying it's over soon--this is rodney's spring break and i have been looking forward to FINALLY being able to sew sew sew until i have a good stock of offerings to post on my poor, neglected etsy site. he took jubal for a longish bikeride yesterday (before the downpour) and i was able to sew a bag from start to finish--even making the handles and overcasting the seams. the whole thing! i've also been making a few zip pouches and have plans for a bunch more. i think zip pouches are one of my new top tens--they are so handy for putting stuff in (i have a weakness for all things that hold other things--shelves, baskets, pouches, etc.) he's planning to take jubal out again today at some point, so i will be sewing some more later--through the fog.

the upside of this cold is that i--totally by chance, as i wasn't even looking for a book for me (i was reading paul theroux's hotel honolulu)--found wally lamb's new book at the library (i was there to get the little house in the big woods to read with the girls) and it's very long, big and thick...you only get the new releases for two weeks and i wondered if i'd be able to finish it. thanks to this cold, i will (though i might not remember any of it!) i'll post more about it when i'm done reading it.

congratulations to loki, who sold a story to fantasy and science fiction--hooray! loki blogs here http://www.lokikohall.blogspot.com/ and asked me the other day if she could post my old bummers and gummers nettle story for spring (yes! of course!) and i'm so excited for her. i need to write again so i, too, can sell things.

when the mindfog and the exhaustion clears i will post a bunch of pictures of my latest creations here or on the flickr site, so you have that to look forward to. until then, it's soup and bedrest (the new bed ROCKS, by the way, it's like sleeping on some very supportive clouds.)

gratitudes:
1) magazines are still buying stuff!
2) soup is easy to make
3) bodies heal
4) nothing lasts forever
5) wally lamb FINALLY wrote a new book, and just in time