life keeps wanting lived

jubal and me in the pub
Originally uploaded by hedgenettle

dad had the kids today (thanks again, dad!) while i went to town and did my placement tests (reading comprehension 117/120, sentence skills 111/120, math (ahem) 81/120...it's been a while on the math skill use, and those sentence skills? sorry, but they were the worst sentences ever! i missed a few because they were so lame. anyways everything passed well within the range of being "able to benefit" and i'm good to go...

when dad brought the kids back yesterday vesta was quick to point out that it was art walk night.

ugh. i filled with dread at the thought of taking three kids, one of them 2! to art walk. it seemed really hard and annoying and i didn't want to go...but i also really don't want to mess up the kids' routines and constantly disappoint them with how tired and depressed i am, or make them feel worthless because i never want to do anything with them. so i slapped on some eyeshadow and lip gloss (i know, if you know me, you're going "what? lip gloss? make up?" with genuine confusion...yeah, i wear it now, it helps perk me up a little bit, makes me feel sparkly and fresh, and it sort of demarcates which events are elevated in my day....going to school for orientations: make up; sitting on the back porch crying and dribbling popcicles on myself: no make up)...so, i anticipated this being incredibly difficult because of managing jubal, but it totally wasn't. the girls hung with jubal while i fixed him a plate of snacks and bought myself a beer at the pub, then they went off on their own (together) to cruise their favorite parts of art walk while jubal and i listened to the musicians, chatted with the people in the seats near us, ate our snack, and, in my case, drank a beer. then we went and found the girls and went back to the little courtyard thing by the pub, where hazel and i hung with jubal while vesta struck off with some friends for a bit. it wasn't stressful, it was fun.

a couple of girls from blue mountain showed up, and i spoke to the older one about whether she babysits, what her schedule is like, and if she'd be interested in babysitting for me sometimes...she does, she has a very open schedule, and she would be interested in babysitting sometimes. so now i feel a lot of relief around the whole "what do i do with the kids?!" thing, because here is another person i can put in my resource pocket.

i can do this. it won't always be easy and i'm going to need a lot of help...it's not my ideal way of raising a family, but i can do this, and we'll be okay.

i'm grateful for:
friends
opportunities
almay lip gloss
babysitters
hope

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hedgenettle/
for more pictures of art walk and other stuff we're doing.

yippeee! and...darnit

i had an excellent birthday, thank you. it was wonderful from start to finish. and there's more to come: dinner at adam's sustainable table and building a chicken coop with dad. i think i got everything on my list--rodney made that his private, personal goal this year. which made me feel totally special. i haven't cross-referenced my loot with my list yet, but you know i will. and i'll post a mosaic of all my presents, once they all arrive (i mail ordered some goodies with my birthday money from gramma and grampa). it felt like a holiday all day and i got everything i wanted: presents, alone time, sewing done, a clean floor, cheesecake, a yummy (easy to prepare) dinner, the love and devotion of my family. some of the gifts were really thoughtful...vesta sketched a portrait of me and wrote a long paragraph about my wonderful qualities...rodney didn't just get me a glass tea pot, he got me an italian glass teapot named "love". it was just such a good and perfect day.

so it's spring, and it's my own personal new year--both of which i love. and i am driven and motivated to clean and clear out and organize for the new season and the new year and my new projects...but! my damn back is still injured. it's a lot better, two trips to the chiropractor later...but of course, it's not magically restored to its former glory...and won't be for at least another week (and several back exercises!)...so i'm frustrated. i want to just work and work and work as much as humanly possible until it's done, but i can't because my back says "no!" so i'm trying to deal and be patient, and appreciate what i can do, and relax often. but it's hard, cuz i don't want to! for once i have the energy and the drive, and i can't utilize them! grrrrrr. i frequently remind myself that the more i accept it and rest now, the quicker it will heal...but i am NOT good at just doing nothing, when i feel like doing a million somethings. shrug.

i am grateful for:
1. my awesome birthday
2. the rain (at least i can't lament all the garden work i'd be doing)
3. my husband
4. my camera, new best friend
5. my life

ps. i cross-referenced the list and he missed the apple trees...but let's not tell him. shhhh.

home again, home again, jiggity jig

we had a good time in sun river. the days leading up to it were a bit rushed and stuffed, a little stressful...but not too bad. and everything went fine. wyatt wayne was amazing. i'm sure carly (dad's dog) disagrees, as he wanted to play with her all the time, and she wasn't having any of that...but he's a puppy and it's in his nature to want to play with other dogs. he had to spend more time than i would have liked shut away in our bedroom, but only because he was so excited about carly and the new people about. he only had two accidents in the house and when we took him outside he sniffed and played about, but didn't run off or misbehave. he came when called and pottied when asked. he didn't chew and destroy everything in sight, held in the contents of his bladder and intestines through the night and was sweet and fun.

we biked and hiked and saw falls. we attempted to visit the newberry caldera, but the roads were still closed due to snow. it was a good time, relaxing with our family, playing mancala with the kids, finishing reading (and then watching the movie of) The Golden Compass. it was nice to cuddle in bed and on the couch with rodney and lounge around in bed watching trash tv and feeling lovey.

it was excellent to get back home! first thing i did was to travel around the yard looking at all the plants. i planted out as many tomatoes as i could fit the morning we left and they were all hanging in there--looking fuller and greener than they did in the pots. my beet, chard, and collard seeds all hung in there and grew bigger. the carrots doubled in size. the beans jubal and i planted last week that were just barely breaking the surface when we left were up and had big, gorgeous green leaves. the radishes monumental. the onions deep green, tall and strong. the roses have buds. the spinach positively lush and shiny and with round, folic-looking leaves. the lettuces karen gave us all light green and filling out. amazing. the fruit trees that were in bloom lost all their blossoms and the maple out front got all its deep red leaves. so much can happen in just a few days.

back to regular life now...a trip into town today to get supplies for my sock knitting class and a cup for jubal that doesn't leach carcinogens into his water. lunch together and maybe a bit of walking around eugene. i have another soap order to make and multiple sewing projects on the horizon--i'm into these little notebook wallets now, fun and quick, and handy.

i'm feeling happy and enjoying the world and my place in it.

gratitudes:
the orders that keep sliding in
playing mancala with hazel, who taught me how
that ODE decided in our favor, even if it doesn't go where we want it to. some kind of justice prevails!
kisses from rodney, which are perfect and sweet, and blot out the rest of the world for their moments
jubal's strong body and perfect heart